arkitect | (noct) ic inbox

[He receives that message, and immediately feels as if a chill runs through him. The abrupt apology sparks more questions than anything, lacking in context as it is, and the response comes quickly. ]

Hythlodaeus, what are you talking about

Where are you?

( A warm wash of relief spreads through Hythlodaeus at Emet-Selch's reply. It isn't so much the content of the message that soothes him, but rather the fact that he now knows his own was reveived, which means Hythlodaeus can let the device slip from his fingertips knowing that he's been able to say goodbye.

It hurts, of course. It hurts to have spent so many thousands of years waiting to stand by his side again, only to have the moment cut short by a foolish decision borne of guilt. He laughs a little breathlessly - a little sadly - as he lets himself slump to the side, those dark lashes fluttering just the once as he struggles to hold on to what energy he has left.

It isn't like that day in Amaurot. That day he'd been prepared to leave Emet-Selch and Azem both: his sacrifice would be the most he could possibly do to save the future of their Star. By comparison, his mistake rings not a little hollow. A life was saved, yes, but Hythlodaeus knows in his heart he would never have given his life willingly for anything less than his dear friend.

Ah, well.

Life so rarely unfolds according to plan, doesn't it? )

Edited 2022-10-18 18:46 (UTC)

[It rarely goes according to plan, but Emet-Selch is determined at the moment to rope life right back into order. Whatever is happening with Hythlodaeus, he's already leaving his apartment after sending the original reply, and when he receives nothing in response...

Well. That only serves to push him to hurry, to shift his sight. There is one soul in this city he knows better than almost any other, and he knows it will only take moments to spot.

It isn't long after Hyth's last message that there's a familiar aetheric disturbance nearby, a shadowed portal opening to deposit Emet-Selch next to him.]

Hythlodaeus.

[Immediately, he's dropped down at his side, wolflike ears perked and attentive for any sign of danger, his more sensitive nose sniffing briefly for anything suspicious. He doesn't seem as if he's been attacked, but then--]

What happened to you?

( Hythlodaeus feels Emet-Selch before he sees him. It's the shift in the aether around him that alerts him to his presence: he'd know him anywhere, would recognise the weight of his presence anywhere, and he exhales a thin chuckle before forcing himself to open his eyes again.

Even when he manages to get them open it takes longer than he'd like to focus on him. )

Mm.

( He blinks slowly, and his eyes remain closed for longer than he'd planned. )

Accident. I helped, but ...

( Well, the result speaks for itself. Hythlodaeus' fingertips twitch towards Emet-Selch as he hauls his gaze up to him again, and something close that playful smile of his flickers over his lips as his attention is drawn up towards his hair. It wouldn't be fair to tell him how he loves him now, would it? He didn't leave Emet-Selch with that bittersweet heartache last time, and he certainly won't do it now. Instead: )

The ears. You suit them, my friend.

Edited (Omg ignore me, I was checking something and noticed an UNFINISHED SENTENCE OMG) 2022-10-20 23:30 (UTC)

Of all the-- that is what you have to say?

[It's his usual frustration, but with an edge of something else to it-- something more urgent, a hand resting on Hythlodaeus' face, testing the temperature of his skin.]

What manner of accident, Hythlodaeus, what did you do to lose so much of your energy?

[This isn't something he's wholly familiar with, to see Hythlodaeus' aether in its current state; it leaves him with no certainty of how to fix it, which is the most pressing issue. Whatever happened, it needs to be reversed, quickly.]

( A warm palm touches his cheek, and something loosens in Hythodaeus' shoulders as he tilts his face towards it. He'll miss this touch, he thinks, as he gazes up at Emet-Selch, his heart beating fast enough to leave him dizzy with it even as his aether continues to ebb away. )

There was a woman. Dead, unfortunately, but with my good luck in curses I thought ...

( He hums softly, managing only the barest shake of the head. )

I brought her back. All of my Manna, just like that.

( Long lashes flutter closed again as he uses what little strength he has left to let his fingers come to rest against Emet-Selch's wrist. His smile warms just a touch, brightening his eyes with the countless centuries of love and affection he's held for this man.

For his starlight. )

I imagine I'll turn to crystal soon. Pose me prettily, won't you? I should hate to be memorialised looking anything less than my best.

Edited 2022-10-23 11:14 (UTC)

You most certainly will not.

[There's a low growl in his voice, ears flattened; even had he a mind to hide his mood, the transformation clearly refuses to let him do so.]

Of course you would have-- you're nearly as bad as Azem in some respects, are you aware of that? We will have a discussion about doing this later, I assure you.

[One that heavily features never do this again, certainly. But for the moment...

His brow furrows, tail flicking behind him.]

We'll need to restore your manna quickly.

( Hythlodaeus would like to tease Emet-Selch about that little growl, about the miserable flattening of his ears, but he suspects that now might not be the opportune moment for such prodding. He remembers well how Emet-Selch’s moods would only grow darker when interrupted, and he isn’t especially interested in spoiling the moment any further. )

Restore it?

( Emet has been cagey about Synchrony from the off; unsurprising, really, considering it seems to constitute an intimate knowing of another’s very being. Sharing his hopes, his emotions, his fears …

Well. That has always been hard for him. )

I don’t know how. I would need …

( He closes his eyes again, and this time doesn’t bother trying to force them back open. )

Mm. A great deal.

Then you shall have it.

[Surely he can at least give Hythlodaeus enough that he isn't at risk, without simply trading positions and ending up the one without nearly enough manna. There isn't another option-- yes, he's been hesitant to engage, but what else is he going to do? Call upon someone else to come offer Hythlodaeus what he needs, to give him that sort of intimacy in his place?

He can't stomach the thought.]

Let me take you home.

Emet-Selch ...

( Their breath is short and tight, and it trembles for a moment between them as he searches for the right thing to say. )

Well. I'm hardly in a position to refuse, am I?

( They attempt a chuckle, but it's more a thin exhalation of breath. Hythlodaeus's fingertips curl around Emet's in an extremely fragile squeeze, before he finally lets his hand slip back down to rest limp against his own chest. )

Yes. Take me home. My apartment in Amaurot— we never did properly break in the new couch, did we ...

( But he's drifting, the world he's in now overlapping with memories of the world he shared with a man he once called Hades. Hythlodaeus smiles, soothed by the proximity of the other man's aether for all it shivers with concern, and lets himself sink into memories of silver-spun hair, eyes of burnished gold, and the weight of large hands pressing warm at his hips. )

Home.

There will be time for that yet.

[...well, far be it for him to correct Hythlodaeus in his current state. He opts to leave those comments be (if Hyth doesn't realize he isn't his old self from the wolfish features alone, he's very much out of it), just gathering him into his arms instead.

Once more, there's a familiar surge of aether as he teleports the two of them to Hythlodaeus' new abode, the touch of magic warm around him until it settles. Emet-Selch doesn't set him down yet, nor does he carry him to the couch; stars only know how much they'll need to restore Hythlodaeus, and the last thing he wants is for both of them to be cramping up before they're through.

He carries him to the bed instead, laying him out where he'll be more comfortable, then curls up with him-- it's hard to resist the instinctual draw to be close, to nose into his neck where it meets the curve of his shoulder and inhale his scent, to press against him and keep him warm.]

( He must pass out for a few moments, because when he opens his eyes again he's mildly surprised to find himself in his own bed, in—

Ah. Noctium. His surroundings sharpen from a vague haze into shapes that begin to make sense: the curve of his bedside lamp, the dark fall of his curtains, the chair in the corner than usually ends up a dumping spot for his robes. Home, but not the one he holds dear to his heart. )

... Emet-Selch?

( There's a warm weight behind him — near surrounding him, really, tucked as close as he is, his nose a cold spot against the back of his neck where he's nuzzled in by his shoulder. Hythlodaeus reaches down to tuck his arm over the one curled around his middle, and takes a moment to let his fingers find Emet-Selch's and lace them together. )

Mm. You came for me.

( He feels marginally better than he did as he'd lain there in the street, and there's a pulsing warmth coming from the man behind him that seems to be tangling with his aether; bolstering it, even, with a swell of raw emotion that seems to be holding him back from the brink. In it Hythlodaeus can feel a riot of emotion — duty, pain, desperation, something warm and intimate that's just for him — but trying to puzzle it out tilts the room sideways until he has to force himself to stop. )

Thank you.

Of course I did.

[He murmurs that into Hythlodaeus' neck with a little huff of warm breath, fingers laced tightly with his. The contact helps-- it's a reassurance they're both still here, that his partner's body is still soft as it should be, not crystalline.

Emet-Selch is not particularly eloquent when it comes to matters like this. Ask him of magic and aether, and he can lecture for hours, describe it all thoroughly. Ask him of his feelings, though, and... well, he tends to come up short there, rarely open with them. In this case he doesn't bother to try; he just steels himself as he reaches out to shift Hythlodaeus, to encourage him to turn to face him so that he can press a kiss against his lips.

There's more warmth in it, relief-- the duty and desperation are still there, neither ready to fade until he's sure Hythlodaeus is all right, but there's more of that buried softness evident in it. More of what drove him to hurry to his side.]

( Hythlodaeus lets himself be maneuvered, loose-limbed and compliant, until he's facing Emet-Selch again, and his heart thuds harder in his chest when he leans in to close the distance between their lips. It's a soft kiss — it couldn't really be more than that, considering the circumstances — but Hythlodaeus can still feel the softness, the relief in having him tucked safely in his arms. )

It's helping.

( He nudges the tips of their noses together, his thumb stroking the side of Emet-Selch's palm as they keep their hands clasped between them. )

I didn't realise how cold I was, but now ... I'm warm again.

( A tired smile touches his mouth as he leans in to catch his lips in another tender kiss, lingering for a long, soft moment as the depths of his own feelings for Emet-Selch echo back through their connection. )

You'll stay with me a while?

As long as you require it.

[As long as he desires it, really-- the intent behind it filters through their connection, as he takes a moment to just take in Hyth's own feelings.

His arms wrap a little tighter around him, there, tail draping over him, with a flicker of something that feels almost like-- concern, or something similar. A little bit of uncertainty, maybe.]

( Hythlodaeus drifts in and out as Emet-Selch replenishes his manna, surrounded by his warmth, his scent, even the flick of his tail when something stirs his lupine senses. The plush fur covering his body means he's running warmer than usual — a small fact for which Hythlodaeus is extremely grateful as he remains tucked as close as he can.

It isn't until sometime later that he feels he has the strength to ask a more important question — a question that's been playing on his mind ever since he found Emet-Selch among the displaced of Noctium. )

There's hesitance in you yet, my friend. I can feel it through this bond of ours.

( He doesn't open his eyes. Instead, Hythlodaeus simply nuzzles a little closer to Emet-Selch's jaw and presses a kiss into the line of it. )

But it's not about this. Something else ... I wonder, is it what's beek keeping you at arm's length from me?

[This is precisely why he's avoided allowing this sort of bond with Hythlodaeus, despite their closeness. He knows exactly where the hesitance stems from-- he just hasn't wanted to open up the topic to Hythlodaeus, to prompt it from him.

At first, he doesn't answer. He takes a moment to shed his robes, trying not to pull too far away, allowing Hythlodaeus more direct warmth thanks to his fur.]

There has always been more distance between us than you realized, in the beginning. Thousands of years of it.

[It's more to do with their time spent apart than anything Hythlodaeus did in the past, or has ever done here.]

( Hythlodaeus's fingers sink into Emet-Selch's fur almost greedily, seeking warmth and the comfort only he can bring as they hold each other in the quiet. Hythlodaeus would appreciate him in any form he would take: be it this "Solus", wolf, snake, his transformed self in the days when Etheirys was at its height — and Emet-Selch knows this, he must know this.

Yet still, something is holding him back. Something that must fall beyond the physical — something harder for Hythlodaeus to hold close to his breast. )

That day on Elpis, dear Azem's famil— their shard, claimed that you would live a thousand thousand lifetimes. And their portrayal of you ... of the things you would do to try and make our Star whole again ...

( Hythlodaeus's fingers run through the thick fur, soothing and scratching almost idly. )

"Megalomaniacal madman" doesn't quite cover it, does it? That's how you described the person you would become — how you rejected it.

( A leg slips between Emet-Selch's to tangle them even closer. )

Is that it? The distance you speak of?

( And now it's Hythlodaeus's uncertainty that shines through — a stirring fear that Emet-Selch would rather keep him as a pillar of his past. )

Is there no place for me in your present?

You only ever knew me before then, Hythlodaeus. I know naught of what their shard told us I would do, but I know what I have done in pursuit of my duty.

[But he didn't realize it would cause this fear in Hythlodaeus, to make him think he's the one who might be out of place here-- he exhales another huff of breath, instinctively nosing into Hyth's neck once more. Reassuring, maybe for both of them.]

Are you certain you know whether you even desire a place in my present?

Yes.

( Is his simple answer, potentially troubling as it is. Hythlodaeus falls quiet for a moment as he tries to figure out the best way to put what he wants to say into words — words that won't spook Emet-Selch, or cause him to push away from him even more. )

I know ... pieces. Their shard had too much to tell, and too quickly, which made it a little difficut to follow — and there were more pressing matters at hand at the time.

( Hythlodaeus pulls back just enough to look Emet-Selch in the eye, his expression tired, to be sure, but his conviction firm in the depths of those violet eyes. He would never forsake him — that much, Hythlodaeus knows. Whether as Hades or as Emet-Selch, he's the most brilliant man he's ever known, and whatever path he forged for himself ...

Well. It's one they should have always walked together. )

But I know that whatever you did, you did it for us. For Etheirys.

( He presses his lips together momentarily. )

That isn't to excuse the suffering you have caused, Emet-Selch. Whatever you've done is your burden to bear, and only you can seek to make things right.

( A beat. )

But I would bear that burden with you, to help lighten that terrible load. I would share in your darkest moments to remind you of the light.

Edited 2022-10-26 00:45 (UTC)

I would do it again, you know.

[He says it quietly, meeting Hythlodaeus's gaze. He makes no comment on whether or not he wishes to make things right at all, on what it is he'll do about it now (whether there is anything a dead man can do about his actions during life)-- but it feels like something that ought to be said. Like something Hythlodaeus should know.]

If I were to have the power to return, knowing all that I know... I would do all of it again.

( Hythlodaeus lets himself sit with that for a long moment, his gaze setady beneath the weight pressing into him from behind Emet-Selch's golden eyes. Has he committed atrocities? Probably. Their shard alluded to as much, and Hythlodaeus remembers well the sick feeling that had settled into his stomach as he'd considered that future for his dear friend.

Atrocities, to heal their Star from the atrocity that was forced upon it. )

I know.

( Hythlodaeus reaches up, rests a palm against Emet-Selch's cheek, and strokes a thumb along the line of his cheekbone. A soft kiss follows — reassurance that he isn't going anywhere yet. )

You were ever true to your beliefs, my starlight. If you had not believed your decisions to be the best course of action in the first place, you would not have made them.

( A beat. )

... And I would have followed you, had I remained living and unsundered. You, Azem ... you have always been my purposes in life—

( And a tiny smile touches his lips at that, and he rests their foreheads together. )

Perhaps that's why the Gods shepherded me to Zodiark, hm? To help you now as I was then, not— changed, over millennia.

Edited 2022-10-31 00:08 (UTC)

Not changed, and not a shadow of your former self.

[He murmurs, head tilted into Hythlodaeus's hand as his ears slowly begin to relax.]

You would not have agreed with the things we did. Following me would have changed you, as certainly as Zodiark's influence would have-- they would have hurt you, and you would become a different person if you allowed them. If you were to stay with me despite them.

[Hythlodaeus, he's sure, would have hesitated at the extreme measures they took. He thinks perhaps he'd have found more in those shards that was recognizable as a former part of home, perhaps balked more at the enormity of their destruction.]

It was an unfair exchange, still. To lose you for those millenia-- I hesitate to agree that it was meant to be. But to have you returned, here and now...

[His hold on Hythlodaeus tightens slightly, and through their bond... well. It's impossible to miss the possessiveness accompanying it, the clear but unsaid feeling that Hyth is his.]

( And there it is.

Perhaps Emet-Selch doesn't even really realise he's given himself away — perhaps he's spent too long around people who couldn't possibly hope to understand him — but Hythlodaeus knows this man as well as he knows himself. Better, possibly, no matter the millennia that separate them. )

Is that what's been keeping you from me?

( Hythlodaeus holds him a little closer, letting himself guide their embrace for all his weakened state. Possessiveness melts through their bond to warm him low in the pit of his stomach, and he rubs his fingers against Emet-Selch's ears as he searches those golden eyes. )

You think yourself a shadow of who you once were?

No.

[Not quite. He is himself, for all that has happened-- he's clung to his sense of self even when he might be best served letting it go.

Even so-]

I am, and have always been, myself. Yet- I am aware that I have not remained unchanged. That I am not the man you once knew, not in full.

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